Okay, give me a second to regain my composure as I try to relay everything that pisses me off about the Colorado shooting. The shooting itself is absolutely atrocious and it's not really like I needed another excuse to not go and see a midnight viewing of a movie, but let me point out some things from this CNN article that make me say,

"America, what the f*** is wrong with you?"

I'm going in order of the article, by the way:

• "One of the injured was 3 months old..." Dear parents of the 3 month year old, what the f*** are you doing at a midnight showing with your infant child? S/he should be cuddle up in a crib, sleeping soundly, not in the middle of a movie theater at a midnight showing of an action movie. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PARENTS TODAY? Stop being selfish. Get a sitter or something for the poor thing! Now look what's happened? THREE MONTHS, PEOPLE. 

• "Cell phone videos take by someone..." Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You, cell phone video taker, could have been helping people someway, somehow, and you stood there and took a cell phone video. Forgive me for nitpicking, but I'm not amused by our generation's versions of events like this. 

• "One police officer carried a girl believed to be about 9 with gunshot wounds to her back..." That sentence finishes with her not moving. Refer to my first bullet point about kids going to a midnight showing. I'm not sure about the age of nine. If she was with parents, I could potentially see it as more justified than the infant, but if she was with friends--no way, Jose. Also, to make it clear, f*** you, murderer for killing a nine-year-old girl and injuring a baby.

• "ATF agents also are conducting emergency traces on the weapons used to see how they were obtained..." And people don't want stricter gun laws. I'm just going to point you to the chart to see where we, the US, stand compared to other places like the UK. No offense, Republicans, I want the strictest gun laws that can be imposed on this country, the second amendment be damned. 

• "...copycat shootings..." Oh my gosh, the world is one f****ed up place.

Also some lessons I've taken from this event:

• I'm never going to a midnight showing of anything ever again.
• I'm never, ever going to Colorado nor am I ever moving my family there. This shooting took place mere miles away from the Columbine shooting from 1999. 

Things I hope other people have learned:

• Think twice before you want to support the second amendment. All I ask is stricter policies in getting a gun not totally abolishing the right to have one. 
• Think twice before taking your infant child to a midnight showing. Actually think twice before having kids if you're that stupid and selfish.
• Drop the effing cell phone and help people.

Final thoughts: I hope they catch the a**hole who did this and punish him in the worst way possible.

Also: My condolences to the victims of this whole thing, even the stupid parents of the infant. It must feel like something out of a horror movie to have this happen on a night that was simply supposed to be a nice night out.

You day dream, right? I can't be the only one who comes up with the most ridiculous fantasies in my head while going about my usual daily life. I go to town too, connecting like three different facts to make up a possible scenario that could potentially happen. This is mingled with way too many viewings of chick flicks and readings of Sophie Kinsella novels. Buttttt, I though it would be fun to share some of these fantasies here since this place is where I share all the weird ideas and rambles that everyone else in my real life look at me and crack up at. So hereitgoes:

• Falling in love in Madrid. Okay, sounds decently possible enough, but I have not finished. Oh no. Here's the thing, my favorite celebrity/idol/whatever in the whole-wide-world likes to take his personal vacations in Spain (at least I'm pretty sure he's been twice). And since he's promoting right now, it means vacation time is definitely coming up sometime before the end of the year (hopefully). And, guess where this chick is going to be from August to the end of 2012? Madrid. How perfect would it be if I happened to run into him on a walk around the city or something? And I wouldn't fan girl. Heck no. I'd pretend I had no idea who he was and think he was a cute Asian. Learn he's Korean, be flirty or whatever it is that girls are to pick up guys they just met, have dinner with him, and we fall in lurrrveeee. And then exchange letters until we meet again. Perfect, right? If this actually happens, I will consider all those prayers about falling in love from my angsty teenage days answered. in. full. And the whole post about being single would be out-the-window. 

• Pulling a total She's All That makeover. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS! Actually, who hasn't always wanted to do this? Every summer in middle and high school, my goal was to get super-hot-VS-skinny, do something glossy and cool to my hair, and return to school a total hottie. How suh-weet would that be? Obviously it's not gonna happen, but it's a nice thought...

Let's face it. I really only wanted to share my Madrid fantasy because I just thought of it. Wouldn't it be the coolest thing if it came true? Of course, in real life, I would have to hardcore stalk where this guy would be to make sure I "ran" into him and this is all presuming I'm attractive enough to get his attention when he first bump into each other.... I need to stop watching chick flicks.

If you ask my sister, this is probably why I'm still single, give off no sex appeal, and am just a straight-up weirdo. FYI I mean my real, share-a-last-name sister. The thing is, I'm pretty, freaking weird. And not in the kinky way (get your head out of the gutter!), but in the secret-Asian-nerd way. I've noticed it recently, and while I'm not hiding it, I'm not opening my mouth and shouting it to the whole world either. I have about eighty million interests, and these just so happen to be some of them.

• I'm a secret fan girl. Okay, not that secret, but I'm not much better than a lot of fan girls. I don't do that whole thing where they like the pair group members as couples because that's too weird even for me and, let's face it, my lack of a gaydar is a sensitive topic, so why would I encourage it? But I totally looked as soshified.com like errryday for Soshi updates, and for a while I was following a Kyuhyun fan page to figure out what he was up to. I screamed like a crazy fan girl when I saw G-Dragon in person, and totally waited at this state with my friend for an hour or so in hopes he would appear. No, I'm not kidding.

• I TOTALLY read manga. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. I've read so much manga over the years that I often forget a lot of them. Even my favorites, I forget that I've read them. All I know is that Fruits Basket was my first and my favorite (though Hana Yori Dango is close). I've read some smutty ones too--they're pretty terrible. I definitely prefer shoujo manga--the cutesier, the better. The worse one I read was probably Haou Airen because it was just beyond bizarre for me. Plus the ending was sad, though not that sad when you think about it. I don't know; I don't recommend that. I don't recommend a lot of that mangaka's work because it can be pretty smutty. Though I'm reading Ai Ore! now, and it's cleverly adorable.

• I also have watched anime. You betcha! I actually don't watch that much because I prefer reading the manga version over the anime--especially because two of my favorites (Furubu and Ouran) only had two seasons when there was so much more left of the story. I am considering getting into the Avatar series though. I watched the finale of Korra while I was in California, and it was quite good.

• I watch A LOT of sappy Youtube videos. Not the kitty ones either (I watch less of them than you might think given my name). I watch the couple videos, the kissing compilations, and the ones with sappy Celine Dion songs in the background. You think I'm kidding, but one look at my Youtube history will tell you differently. It's pretty bad. After I finished a movie, show, or a manga, I always youtube couple videos to relive the moments.

• I would totally be a gamer if it weren't for my brother. I would! I'm not at all, but given my short times with Angry Bird, Solitaire, Temple Run, and more, I know I'd be addicted to games if my brother had let me play his Nintendo 64 more often when I was little. I would 100% be that person up to 3 am playing a game. 

I know, I'm a bit dorky. At this point, though, I've embraced it. What's the phrase? I'm letting my freak flag fly.

"Cho Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun."

"Look like the Tone It Up Girls. ABS ABS ABS."

"I shouldn't have eaten that cookie dough this morning."

"Holy shit, I want to throw up." [During Cross Fit]

"HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN TEN MINUTES?" [Treadmill--walking...]

"I want legs like SNSD." [Treadmill--walking..during any K-pop song]

"Ooh...he's hot" [When I manage to be in the gym at the same time as the one hot guy who comes to my gym]

"I hate running. I hate running. I hate running." [When I try to run to look like a total athlete in front of the one hot guy by running on the treadmill.]

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee hoooooo heavy breathing sounds" [After approximately three minutes of running at a 5.5]

"Git yo fat ass movin'" [My ghetto trainer inner voice]

"ABS, Bitches, ABS. No more side fat. No more side fat."

"Fit into jeans. Fit into jeans. Fit into jeans."


"fjdsklfjfskdjf sdfjskjfsdkf youuuu" [singing along to K-pop songs]


"I hate freestyle." [While swimming] "Holy bajeezus, I can't do fly."

"Water break!" [At the end of every workout]


No, but really, this goes through my head all the time.

(I don't actually think this, but I had to. Have you listened to this ridiculous song?)

You know....I don't know how to say this. Maybe it's because I'm not at school where half my sisters are basically engaged and the other half are at least in some stage of a relationship (and by sisters, I expand this to the whole freaking campus, all 1,300 of them). Maybe it's because I'm enjoying work/watching copious amounts of "Mad Men." It could also be that I don't have as much time to get lost in my thoughts (hello, lifeguarding) with work and whatnot. And it could also be the fact that I have a lot of plans and figuring out to do before I graduate in two years. It could also be that quite literally the last four or five guys I have found to be attractive are very, very, definitely gay... But here's the thing:

I like being single.

No, really. And this isn't a pathetic post from someone who's trying to show a brave face in being hopelessly single (though this blog is called "The Future Cat Lady Diaries"). It could be, I'll let you know when I'm actually in a relationship, but for right now I like it. 

There's a lot of reasons why. It could be because I've never been in a relationship nor have I ever been "talking" to someone. I don't know a thing about intimacy, and I've never been on a single date. Double, blind, through a dating site. Nada. I did tell my brother during an eHarmony commercial that I should make an account, and he said, "Nah, wait until you're twenty." Friends, I'm two months away from being twenty. But that's besides the point. It could also be that I'm extremely awkward, and the thought of being "set-up" with someone actually terrifies me/turns me off. It could also be that I've succeeded in being a totally asexual human being, but given the way my heart swooned at my title song when Kyuhyun sang wearing that awful neck thing points to a no. It could just be that I'm going to be jumping around a lot in the next two years/possibly four, and the thought of having to factor someone else into those decisions is, basically, a huge drag.

I can point to the indicators that I'm not as into having a boyfriend as much as I was in my younger day [read like six months ago] (otherwise known as the cool down of my boy-crazy hormones).

• When I pick up a romance novel, I'm more interested in how the sex scene is written than how the male hero and female hero overcome their obstacles to have their demanded happy ending by the end. (No, but really, one of the guidelines of a romance is novel is that it has to have a happy ending.) I'm looking for good euphemisms and no murky business with five different hands going to five different directions. I don't want to read an anatomy book for Pete's sake.
• Sad animal commercials are more likely to make me cry than a tragic love story, though the tragic love story will tug at my sorry heartstrings when done well.
• I don't yearn/obsess/pine/sigh away my days over a guy. Let me direct you to how I spent all of my freshman and sophomore years of high school. I'm frankly embarrassed at myself.
• I'm not jealous of people in relationships. I get excited for people who are in relationships and obviously if we're friends I ask about eighty million detailed questions, but over all I don't have the, "When's it my turn?" demands.
• Looking at my ten year plan (like I really have a ten year plan), I honestly don't see starting a relationship in the books. I've learned that the happiest I feel is when I step off an airplane. When I exit the terminal doors to a whole new place or come home for a little bit, I get this feeling of happiness. I'm not meant to settle down anytime soon.
• Seeing people in my store whose boyfriends are basically buying them something for an anniversary or "just because" doesn't bother me much. I think this is more of the fact that I listened to "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child on repeat as a child. Imma be buying my expensive goods myself.

But, obviously, who am I to know? Clearly there are still indicators that I'd like a boyfriend. Someone to be the big spoon while we watch a movie. Someone to spend holidays with. A good romantic comedy (Bridget Jones's Diary) or a good shoujo manga (Furuba and Hana Yori Dango, you get me all the time) always makes my insides melt like a Popsicle on the Fourth of July. And who knows? I've never been pursued before (has anyone in this day and age?). I've never really been properly hit on, I think, and no one I know has shown interest in thinking I'm particularly attractive (I'm kind of not--at least not mixed with my noisy personality or my standoffishness--according to my sister). So who knows? Maybe I'll throw all this out of the window and melt into the arms of the first jerk who says he thinks I'm hot. 

That'll be the moment when all my sisters and friends start water boarding me, FYI. I'm holding all of you accountable. Don't take bullshit excuses from me, just duck my head in the water until I think I've drowned.

Link

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I really don't have anything overly interesting to say here right now because my life comprises of working out, sleeping, interning, and working. And some TV show watching and reading in between. AKA I'm not an interesting person anymore! I know I have stories to fill you-all in on. And I will, promise. I've been busy getting reacclimated to my other blog, which is finally back (Glitter & Lace). It's a lot more appropriate/not quite so sarcastic than this one, and I talk about all the girly things I try not to inundate this blog with. But I promise I'm not forgetting this little blog because I'm giving more love to my other one. I like to use this one to post all the embarrassingly funny things that happen to me as well as my long, long, long ramblings on nothing whatsoever of great importance (like my issues with "The Glee Project"). I just wanted to say, my fellow future cat people, I will not forsake you-all! (Dramatic, right?) But if you miss me like I know I'd miss me, just pop over to G&L.

Also, PS, do you see what I'm reading right now? A Game of Thrones is seriously conflicting with my attempts to be healthy (aka sleeping at decent hours of the night). I know everything that's going to happen in the first book since the whole TV show came out, but it doesn't stop it from being totally awesome. Hurry up with the rest of series, Martin, I want to know the outcomes! And I swear, if Jon Snow's parents aren't Lyanna and Rhaegar, I'll be pissed.

1. Rude people. One thing I learned from working in retail. People are freaking rude. Like, why do you need to be so rude? One of my coworkers literally got shhhed when she was trying to help a customer. I got told I was being annoying. And people, don't walk into a store talking on your phone. Or wearing your sunglasses. It's not sunny out anymore, hellooo. And it makes you look like such a tool, words do not describe.

2. Fake people. One thing I do have to give the rudeys is that they certainly don't have this problem. Hey, guess what? I don't really need you to like me, so if you don't, don't act like you do.

3. People who leave stupid comments. Okay, this might be my biggest hate ever. Seriously, I'm not commenting on your blog because I want you to comment back. I took the time to read through your post (I hate posts that have a little text and literally fifty pictures of the same thing. Learn to edit!), and I wanted to comment on it. So don't come to my blog and leave the dumbest comments ever. I'm not talking to everyone, I'm talking to certain people who you can still see. Oh, and I'm calling your ass out.

Clara Turbay: "Your ideas are lovely tasteful and stylish." <-- This, my friends, was left on my last post in which I discussed reading for grown-ups. And, fun fact, she left the same exact comment on my other blog. Verbatim. Sorry, Miss Turbay, I'm sure you're a lovely person and a lovely blogger, but really? 

But Miss Turbay does not win the stupid comment award. Her comment while obviously generic, did no harm. This lovely blogger literally took the cake. Nadya Joy Soetanto, on my post about the Yale graduate dying, left a comment that simply said, "nice coat color." #@%&(%^&%&^%. How shallow do you appear? How obvious can you be that you didn't read my post? 

I'm not saying I don't appreciate comments. They're indicators that my ramblings are getting out there. But don't come to my blog, glance at a picture or two, and leave an asinine comment. Read what I hate number one. Yeah, you're rude.

4. Poor grammar. Note the comments I mentioned above. Both have awful grammar. And I know, I don't have perfect posts (I really need to edit them), but there are just some things you should always do. And people obviously don't. I'm an English major, bare with me.

--YOU ARE is YOU'RE, not YOUR.
--The Oxford Comma is important-->
 It's a, b, and c, NOT a b and c or a, b and c

-- Use a space between A and LOT, Alot is not a word
-- This is how you spell RIDICULOUS. There is no E.

Obviously someone could consider me one of the above. We all have bad parts in us, but these are just some pet peeves I've been wanting to share with the world for a while. I'm not saying any of these people are bad people; they're probably lovely in their own way. I'm just saying people are people, and we all kind of suck sometimes.

Okay, okay. Listen. I've got this brilliant idea. It's called a self-improvement plan. This past year, I had this feeling that I was somehow getting dumber. I know, I'm (read: my parents right now) paying all this money for a quality private, liberal arts college education, and I feel dumber than I did upon high school graduation. What? How? Well, let me tell you. It's not just because I can't answer as many questions on "Jeopardy" than I could when I was enrolled in AP Chemistry, AP Calculus, AP English Language and Literature, AP American History, AP Spanish, a Introduction to Philosophy seminar, and a Newspaper class (do you want to shoot my overachieving seventeen-year-old self? I do, and I haven't even given you my extracurriculars). That is a factor, but it's also the fact that I'm letting life have more of an influence than just education. Which isn't a bad thing at all. Having friends, joining a sorority, experiencing college night life, hanging out in the DH for more than hour--that's just as important as that Accounting class I took my first semester. It's just that I feel like I need a bit more of a balance. I want to be able to engage in conversation about current events. I want to write better, sound wittier, make better references. How? By expanding my reading content. While I love my Glamour and Teen Vogue (I'm nineteen for a few more months, don't judge), and I love reading fashion blogs and allkpop, they're not quite doing it for me. So, starting once I get back from Spain, here are the reading materials I'm going to subscribe to:

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Escúchame. Tengo esta idea brillante. Es mi plan de mejora. Este año pasado, tuve este sentimiento que me hice más estúpida. Yo sé, estoy (mis padres) pagando mucho dinero por una educación privada y de buena calidad, y siento más estúpida que sentí después de mi graduación de colegio. ¿Qué? ¿Cómo? Pues, permíteme explicar. Es no solo porque no puedo contestar todas las preguntas en “Jeopardy” como pude cuando estudié clases avanzadas en literatura, química, cálculo, historia de los Estados Unidos, y español, una introducción a filosofía, y una clase de periódicos  (¿Quieres matar mi misma que rinde más de lo normal? Hago, y no te he dicho sobre mis actividades después de las horas de escuela). Este hecho es un factor, pero también es el hecho que estoy permitiendo mi vida tiene una influenza más grande que solo educación. Y es no es un hecho malo. Teniendo amigos, ingresando en una hermandad, experimentando la vida de noche de universidad, pasando tiempo en mi cafetería para horas—son tan importantes como la clase de contabilidad que saque en mi primer semestre. Solo… necesito una balanza. Quiero poder participar en conversación sobre los eventos corrientes. Quiero escribir mejor, parecer más ingeniosa, hacer referencias mejores. ¿Cómo? Estoy me expandiendo mi contento de leer. Mientras de me encanta mi Glamour y mi Teen Vogue (¡tengo diez y nueve años!), y me encanta mis blogs de modo y allkpop, no son suficientes. Cuando me vuelvo de España, aquí son las materias de leer que voy a subscribirme a:

Obviously: The New Yorker

For Business: The Economist 

For Fashion & Culture Needs: Elle

For Daily News: New York Times

 Or I might get these sent to my Kindle Fire and read them now... Hm...

O puedo comprarlos para mi Kindle Fire y los leo ahora...Hm...

So, I was going to write a laundry list of how to properly shop and interact with sales associates given my past three days of working, but then I read this article via the College Prepster, and I couldn't help but bring a somber post to the Future Cat Lady Diaries. (NOTE: Read the article!) Because it got me thinking. How many stories have we read or heard about these amazing people dying young? The kid who had a particular sensitivity or the witty high school student who dies in a accident at prom. What could they have contributed to the world had they been able to live longer? The Marina Keegan of this article was on the road to bigger and better things. She had a job lined up in New York City to write for The New Yorker. She was writing for the Yale Daily News. She was president of Yale College Democrats and part of Occupy Yale (which, in my liberal -so-left-I-should-be-registered-as-communist book makes her awesome). Reading her article, she had the right depth, right amount of wit, and the perfect level of sensitivity that as a writer, I wish I had. Who knows? If her life hadn't been cut short, and I hadn't heard of her this way, I would probably be bitterly jealous of her.

But by all intents and purposes, Keegan seemed to be one of those good who die young. And here's the kicker. She died in a car accident. And no one hit her. She was wearing her seat belt, as far as I know her boyfriend (she had a boyfriend too!) was not under the influence of anything, and it was simply a case of him losing control of the car. Do you know how many local stories I hear about car accidents that involve no seat belt or drugs or alcohol? And yet, Keegan was doing everything right. And she died. Which is what makes me wonder the most. How much better could our world have been with all the good people who died?

I know, you can't what-if. It'll drive you mad. And to be fair, when I learned about the romantic poets, I learned that the best of them had the shortest life. Maybe Keegan's best work was what she wrote for the Yale Daily News. Maybe if she had lived in NYC, her life would have taken a turn. Who knows? I doubt what I just wrote, but none of us will ever know if she would go on to become one of the famous columnists or not. What we can do is look and be inspired by the work she already wrote and the way she led her life in the twenty-two years she had.

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Quise escribir una lista que describe cómo ir de compras e interrelacionarse con asociadas de ventas porque acabo de trabajar la ultimo tres días, pero leí este artículo por la College Prepster, y necesite escribir una entrada sombría a la Future Cat Lady Diaries. (¡LEE EL ARTÍCULO!) Porque el artículo me hace creer. ¿Cuánto historias hemos leído u oído sobre estas personas increíbles que son jóvenes cuando mueren? El chico que tuvo una sensibilidad particular o la estudiante de colegio ingeniosa que muere en una accidente a baile de fin de curso. ¿Qué podrían haber contribuir al mundo si sus vidas había más largas? La Marina Keegan de este artículo fue en un camino a un mundo más grande y mejor. Tuvo un trabajo en la Ciudad de Nueva York  escribir por The New Yorker. Ella escribió por la Yale Daily News. Fue presidente de Yale College Democrats y una parte de Occupy Yale (y en mi libro liberal-tan-izquierda-que-debo-ser-una-comunista le hace alucinante). Después de lees su artículo, puedes ver que ella tuvo el profundidad correcta y la cantidad correcta de ingenio, y el nivel perfecto de sensibilidad que, como una escritora, deseo que tuve. ¿Quién sabe? Si su vida no había abreviada por esta accidente, probablemente sería celosa tremenda.

Pero, por todas intenciones y propósitos, Keegan pareció una persona buena quien muere joven. Y aquí es la parte peor. Ella murió en un accidente de coche. Y un coche no choca contra su coche. Ella llevaba su cinturón de seguridad, y, de yo sé, su novio (¡ella tuvo un novio también!) no había bebido o tomado drogas. El caso fue simple—él perdió control de su coche. ¿Sabes cuántos historias locales que oye sobre accidentes de coches que no envuelve un cinturón de seguridad o envuelve drogas o alcohol? Y, Keegan hace todo correcto. Y ella murió. Este me hace preguntarme la más. ¿Aumentaría nuestro mundo con estas personas buenas que murieron?

Yo sé, no puedes que-si. Te hace loco. Y, cuando entiende sobre los poetas romanticos, entende que el mejor tuvo la vida mas corta. Es posible que el  trabajo mejor de Keegan sea lo que ella escriba para la Yale Daily News. Es posible que si ella viva en CNY, su vida no sea buena. ¿Quíen sabe? Dudo que yo acaba de escribir, pero nunca sabemos. Podemos leer y ser inspirados por el trabajo que ya escribió y la manera que ella vivió su vida en los veinte y dos años que tuvo.

Too. Much.

As someone who secretly dreams of living a life like Anne Shirley of Green Gables, I am sickened of the amount of technology in my life. I was collecting my things from my den when I realized I was collecting a laptop, a Kindle Fire, and an iPhone. Not to mention a TV was playing the baseball game in the background, a TV with a DVD player, a sound system (whatever it's called), and a blu-ray player. I'm pretty sure Anne Shirley lived with none of this, and my secret-romantic-faux-novelist side is hitting me over the head. In fact, instead of keeping an extensive journal for future generations to read and analyze my literary brilliance and passionate ways (I kid, I kid), I've been blogging for the past four or five years. And I'm linked in to pretty much every social media outlet possible. And I spend a good portion on a technology daily--whether it be reading on my kindle, checking Facebook on my phone, doing e-mails on my computer. Heck, Alcott wrote every word of her novels by hand, and I type everything! 


What does this say about me? What does this say about my short attention span and ever changing mind? Or my inability to focus on my writing? Or the way I read? And the problem is, I would love to disconnect. I would love to toss all of it out a window and live via Green Gables with a pen and paper, maybe a typewriter. I would love to write long, lengthy letters to my college friends and keep a journal where my perfect penmanship truthfully records all my musings and thoughts. But I can't. This is our generation. I'm sure Anne would be blogging away if she lived today, and I'm sure she'd be the most connected chick on Facebook. I don't want to delete any aspect of my life in the tech world because it's how I stay in touch. Instead of writing a lengthy letter to my sorority sisters, I can just pop over to their wall and leave them a message.And when I go abroad, I can still see people when I skype. I like being connected. Who knows if I would even be interested in Korea at all without this technology? I know. I don't even know what I'm saying in this post. I'm trying to say I've been bitten a bit my the nostalgia bug, but at the same time I totally got the message from Midnight in Paris: "That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying." C'est la vie. I can't even speak French.

Okay, I'm having some trouble maneuvering my way through the second of this trilogy, and I highly doubt I'm going to spend the $10 on the third for my Kindle. Maybe it's because I had no internet, basic cable, and one bar of service that I swept through the first book in a day and a half (and, of course, a twenty page sex scene goes much faster than twenty pages of pretty much anything else), but now that I have all my twenty-first luxuries back plus other books, the second one has been read mostly at the gym. While I'm attempting to run. Or bike. See parentheses as to why.

To start, I like the concept of the book. How many times have you sat around with your girlfriends talking about sex (okay, I do it a lot because I'm curious)? I've heard many a mere mumblings about female preferences in the bed or at least in an enclosed space. I've also seen porn (more on that story some other time), and I've seen what the guys are watching (for the record, what's up with the butt sex videos?). So the fact that someone finally put pen to paper about BDSM that isn't weird or taboo to read got me intrigued. After all, I've always tended to view NYT Bestsellers as at least decently legitimate in their literature (Oh, how wrong that assumption has been now that I look back...). And the cover looks so chic! I brought the first one to prepare myself for loneliness in the woods, and now that I'm in the midst of the second one I have some serious criticism. While I appreciate the introduction to a taboo subject, the style of writing has me put off. To the point where after a few of the sex scenes, I couldn't help giggling at the language. I mean, maybe my maturity levels amongst other factors make me not the best candidate to read this stuff, but seriously. Where do I start? Okay.

1) The Main Characters. I get it, EL started this off as a Twilight fan fiction, so the characters are going to resemble good ole Bella and Edward a little bit (don't even get me started on that franchise). Anastasia is too skinny and often thinks she's less than pretty, but she's surrounded by guys who are into her including our main guy. FYI way to give us the most stereotypical lead. Give me a break on the "too skinny" factor. Most girls I know are not "too skinny" just like not a lot are "too fat." Why can't they be normal size sixes? And she's never thought she was pretty or interested in guys while she's surrounded by handsome fellows ever corner. Give me a break. Stupid. And she's graduating college as a virgin. Which there's nothing wrong with, but the reason is because she has not been sexually attracted to anyone in all her twenty-one years. I'm calling EL out on this because clearly she forgets what it's like to be a twenty-year-old young woman. Every single peer I know, even the ones you don't immediately think of, have some sort of sex drive, and telling us Ana here has none until she lays eyes on the hot-hot-hot Christian Grey is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Speaking of Grey, I get it. I want to jump into bed with him as soon as we first meet him. He's got the Edward-mysterious thing down pat, not to mention similar shades of hair...And his smoldering grey eyes are wonderful. Wish I could imagine someone in real life like him. But when you feed crappy dialogue through his beautifully pursed lips, all my wonderfully hot images of him are shattered in five seconds flat and the giggles start. Seriously, some of his phrasing is so awkward, especially the sexy lines, I'm one-hundred-percent confidant that if some guy said that to me, I would probably leave. Laughing in a way that would do some damage to said fellow's confidence. Also, one little annoyance. How is he so freaking rich at twenty-seven? I can understand trust-fund babies or even moderately rich people who have good connections post college and are ambitious enough to climb their way up quickly, but I cannot imagine Grey, who has very little connections, having risen all the way up to be pretty much as rich as those characters I watch in my K-dramas. What? What? I just wish he had been a little older. Thirty. I could buy thirty.

2) The Setting. Surprise, surprise, a book created from Twilight is set in Washington and Oregon. That's not what I have an issue with when I say setting. I'm talking about the fact that this novel is set in 2011. You know, present day, today. So the fact that Ana has gone all four years of college without her own computer or laptop is something I find ludicrous. Small detail, but it's part of her issues with Grey buying her all this nice stuff. HOW DO YOU GO FOUR YEARS SANS COMPUTER IN THIS DAY AND AGE? She says she used the computer labs, but, excuse me, what about your senior thesis? I do not trust one flash drive and computer labs. Given I go to a small, private liberal arts college, but everyone I have ever met has a laptop. It's not that expensive for the basic kind. And the fact that Grey and Ana communicate via e-mail the way most of us would communicate via text message or Facebook chat I find very silly as well. Maybe that's just me.

3) The Stereotypes. Oh the list could go on. Besides the character stereotypes, this is what else I have issue with. Okay, here's the deal. No great piece of literature compares itself to another piece of literature. In fact, all the books I've read, it's the crappy ones that like to reference classic lit, as though the author is trying to prove his/her background in the world, thus accrediting his/her own writing. So the fact that James likes to reference (and butcher, mind you) one of my favorite pieces of classic lit just kills me. Okay, let's compare the situation of Tess of the D'Urbervilles to this one. Only, Mr. Grey is Alec (the guy who RAPES Tess) and not Angel (who's also kind of idiot, but the lesser of the two evils). Really? Really? Is this real life? And this is derived from the fact that our MC is a fan of classic lit, being an English major. And tying back to her lack-of-a-sex-drive through college, it's because no one quite compares to the Rochesters and Darcys of her books. And the fact that Grey is so instantly attracted to what he perceives to be Ana's submissive behavior (which, thankfully, she's not very submissive at all) is the stereotype of stereotypes. I do have to say, at least James admits it in her character scenario. You probably won't get Meyers to admit Bella is totally submissive.

4) The Dialogue. This kills me. Okay, I understand why some of it may sound off to my ears as the author is British. And she may not realize some of the things she writes sound super weird. Like "Laters, Baby." I'm pretty sure that sounds normal when spoken with a British accent. However, in an American one, you will sound like a tool or an idiot or just stupid. And literally whenever Grey says "Baby," my insides shrivel in total putt-offedness. I mean, really. "Baby." Coming from the mouth of a smoking hot, mysterious man. Especially when they're in the heat of the moment, and he says something like, "Oh, Baby" or "No, Baby, no." Gah! I can't stand it. It sounds so awful. And so not hot. "Baby" is for those annoying girls on reality television who call out to their boyfriend like "Babbbbyyyy! Where arreee youu?!" Makes my ears hurt.

5) Grey's backstory. This bit annoys me. If you wanted try and normalize BDSM, you do not make your experienced BDSMer a BDSMer because he has a screwed up childhood. His druggie mother and her abusive pimp. I mean, really? And this is the reason he doesn't like to be touched, and he likes to tie her hands up and yadadada. Talk about stereotypes! "I'm totally in to dominating my submissives because I was abused up until my adoption at four." Also he's a total stalker (which they mention numerous times) and a total control freak.

6) THE SEX SCENES. Obviously. Okay, I'll give James that the majority of the sex scenes are hot-hot-hot. And I get that given the erotic nature of the novel, she mentions things that other romance authors skim over, but oh my gosh some of the scenes made me so uncomfortable. Remember I've watched porn, I'm not that uncomfortable by most of what I read. But, James, you win. I won't mention some of them, but the one that sticks on most in my mind is when they get it on during her period. -Shrivels up inside- And it's gross. It's the most unsexy sex scene I've ever read in my life! She's on like Day 2 of her period. You know how I feel on Day 2 of my period? Like a bleeding whale. The last thing I want to do is have hot make-up sex with anyone. Gross. And, no one but me, myself, and I is dealing with the tampon/pad part of my period but me. In the privacy of my own bathroom. Or a bathroom stall. No one is touching those things but me. So the fact that Grey does so nonchalantly grosses me out beyond repair.

Alright. So there it is. My long essay of issues with Fifty Shades of Grey. I will give kudos that James at least acknowledges the flaws of her characters that most find with other books. And I give her kudos on getting an erotic romance book on the NYT Bestseller's list and convincing a tone of people to read it. Am I jealous that something that started from fan fiction and is really very poorly written is published and so popular? Damn straight. I want to be a novelist too. And I'm writing on a little blog that barely anyone reads about problems I have with this book. But hey, life is life. I say, it's an easy beach read and quite good for the gym when five minutes feels like forever. But I'm not planning on wasting the money on the third book. I'll google a Wikipedia article or something if I'm curious.

I should have probably realized a little earlier how often I played around on the Photoshop all the computers at my school had. I'm going through a little withdrawal now that I don't have it on my laptop! I use Gimp, which is free, but it's not quite the same as Photoshop! And I was planning on trying to teach myself more about it... Anyway this is what I keep hitting replay on! Obviously the songs I always listen to, "Crash Into Me" by DMB, "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction, and any SNSD song are on my playlist too, but these are some recent additions! (Okay "Bonafied Lovin'" is old too, but I just recently started hitting the replay button.

Conversations with my mother since coming home two days ago.

Me: (after jumping on my sister's back) Ha, heavier than I look huh?
Mom: (scoffing) No, you're not.
Me: Rude!
Mom: No it's not. It's the truth.

and

Mom: What did you eat today?
Me: *explains three meals + two snacks*
Mom: I think someone needs to cut out the snacks.
Me: Nah-uh! You're supposed to eat five meals a day! Three big ones, two snacks!
Mom: Clearly that hasn't been working out for you.

I know. Typical conversations. Oh, let me throw in the brief one I had with my swim coach before leaving.

Coach: What are you plans for the summer?
Me: Just work, I need to make money.
Coach: Yeah.. you better be getting to the gym too.

Sheesh. So much for loving my body just the way it is. Anyhow, I know I've gained some weight/ gotten flubbier since the end of the swim season, My pants don't fit, my waist has expanded, and I feel more sluggish. I get it. I basically did everything they tell you not to do in college to avoid the freshman 15 and then the sophomore 20. I stayed up to all hours of the night; I ate junk food; I ate dining hall food; I couldn't avoid the deserts; I made it to the gym maybe once a week if I was lucky.

I wanna look likeee... you!

I. Get. It. I made my bed and now I'm lying in it. I've worked out twice, and I'm monitoring my food intake somewhat. I made pictures with Weight Mirror as inspiration of my new bod ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty pounds lighter (believe it or not, this 5'3" frame could lose sixty pounds and still be in a healthy range). Shannon from Shenanigans Rose has a weight loss goal of around fifteen pounds this summer. I agree. I just want my abs and legs to look like they did in high school--and even then I wasn't skinny. But I'm seeing the beginnings of cellulite or some sort of flabby stretching thing on my thighs--and that is not okay. And I tried on shorts in J.Crew the other day--heinous.

Anyway, I told you about my exercising story a little while ago, and now that I'm home without anything to do but work and work out, I'm determined. So far I've made it...two days in a row working out for at least an hour. Points for the #TeamLazy.

So I've been seeing commercials and ads for "Revenge" all year, but given my schedule and the TV shows I'm already religiously dedicated to ("Glee," "Modern Family," "How I Met Your Mother," "Big Bang Theory," "Once Upon a Time"), I haven't been able to start watching it at all. A friend mentioned it in passing the other day, and once I finished my final, I clicked over to Hulu and tv-links.eu to start catching up. Forty-eight hours later, and I had finished all twenty episodes, and last night I watched the latest one (finale is next week!). Let me tell you, I am hooked. 

L-R: Nolan, Ashley, Jack, Emily/Amanda, Daniel, Declan, Charlotte, Victoria, Conrad

Basics: Seventeen or so years ago, Amanda Clarke's father was framed by the Graysons for laundering money to a group that caused a 1995 terrorist attack. He was sent to prison for life while Amanda was sent away never to see him again. He was stabbed to death when she got out of juvy, where Nolan informed her of his innocence and gave her a box that explained how he was framed and by who (which is pretty much everyone he ever trusted in his life). The depth of the cover-up by the Graysons is huge, and Amanda and Nolan are the only ones besides them who know the whole truth. Now, ten years after that moment, Amanda returns to the Hamptons where it all happened, disguised as Emily Thorne, bent on bringing down everyone who had a hand in destroying her father's life.

Best show I've seen lately. I'm serious; it's the best drama show I've seen in a while. Notice how most of my shows are generally funny comedies. I have watched dramas religiously in the past--"Grey's Anatomy" and "Desperate Housewives" and "Gossip Girl" but they tend to fall off my radar. This show has everything I love in a show--good fashion, good, consistent story line, believable characters, and handsome male characters (*cough*). Just watch, you'll get sucked in too. I love Emily, and I love Victoria Grayson! You'll see.

Of course, a few caveats. I'm a little annoyed at how quickly they're trying to demonize Daniel. I thought he'd have a little more depth than that. And I think he's the hottest character, so that may also be a factor. It's also really funny to see Serena's very feminine younger brother from GG become an Aladdin-type street kid in "Revenge." But it works. Kind of. Also while I realized Jack and Emily are the endgame, they don't have that much chemistry, and the writers are forcing it a little too much. Kissing right after Sammy's died? A little too soon...

But seriously, the way "Grief" ended, I can't wait for the finale.

...while I was without internet access for the past two and a half days. I'll make a brief list here, and then expand later when my brain recovers from driving home from school.

1. "Revenge"- If you haven't watched it. WATCH IT. I literally spend 48 hours watching all the episodes of this season. Emily Van Camp is fantastic, the guy who plays Daniel is too adorable for words, and the dog's name is Sammy.


2. The last few episodes of "Glee."- Seriously, "Glee" had some shitty story lines, and I'm still bitter over the under use of Damien,  but they have been nailing these last few episodes. I've had tears in my eyes. Tears. "Choke" was fantastic, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach when Rachel choked. And this past episode(s) with Nationals--best ever. Even better than their first time at Sectionals way back in season 1. I'm definitely going to cry more over their graduation than I did at my own. And the performances outfits--perfect!

3. Consumerism Problems.- Packing up from college. Where/When/How did I accumulate all of this?


4. The whole no underwear thing.- More on that later. Let's just say I packed them up and sent them home, and had to go commando for three days. Also in a house without internet, channels beyond basic cable, and barely any cell service. It was actually not too bad. The latter, no the underwear part.


5. Fifty Shades of Grey- Have you read this? Basics: Writing isn't anything to write home about. A little above Twilight, but not by much. At least James doesn't try to use a thesaurus half the time. Story line is interesting though, and I'm reading the rest of the trilogy. I think I need all three books before I make a full review. Also the sex scenes are pretty well written as far as romances go, although I will always cringe when someone who's supposed to be suave says, "Oh yeah, baby." If I have any, future boyfriends of the world beware: If you refer to me as "baby," I will ignore you.

6. "GCB" cancelled- Stupid, stupid decision, ABC. Hate you.

To the best Mom I know. To the lady who is so against my future cat lady, she leads conversations towards something like this:

Me: "You know, if I ever get too desperate for cash in Spain, I can always turn to high class prostitution."
Her: "Good, that's one way to get laid."

Or

Sister: "If I got caught making out in the basement, Mom would kill me."
Mom: "Obviously."
Me: "If I got caught making out in the basement, Mom would start singing 'Hallelujah."
Mom: "This is true."

Kidding aside, she's the bee's knees of the moms!

I know, I know. College, University life--all about the partayyysss. Kind of. You know, besides the diploma thing, college is about spreading your social wings and exploring your new found independence away from the overly protective eye of your parents. Except, and I love my college it bits, the whole social thing at night is really not all it's cracked up to be. For example, my nights going to house parties. Usually a gigantic waste of time. Why? Let me lay it out in a list for you.

"Skins," so deceiving. Reality is not this attractive looking.

1) The Walk. I'm lazy, so it had better be a pretty good party if I'm going to walk all the way off campus just to go. And my school's small, the house parties aren't that far away. But think of it this way. At least on the East Coast, the nights are chilly about 90% of the time. Girls are expected to show a little skin for going out--you know, a cute dress or top--and often times like to throw in heels for good measure. For what? Goosebumps, freezing bums, and walking for a party that might be busted as soon as you get to the front street.

2) The People. I'm not saying the people are bad by any means. What I'm saying is that people, no matter how sweaty they can prevent themselves from being, are going to get very moist very quickly in a house so small with a crowd so large. When you enter the house and you brush against someone who's been there for a while, you're guaranteed a little swipe of sweat as a souvenir. Gross.

3) The Noise. I probably won't ever go to a rave. And if I do, I'll probably have to be on ecstasy to enjoy it. The thing with house parties is that the noise level is so high, you can barely think straight let alone try and have a conversation with anyone. Also the music is hardly ever good.

4) The Dirtiness. Again, the people and house may normally be quite clean, but add in a bunch of sweaty people, thing start getting dirty right away. The floors are gross. There's beer spilled on the ground mixed with who knows what else. The bathroom is usually a little gross, especially when toilet paper runs out.

5) The Cops. At least in my college town, the cops bust parties left and right if there's anything going on. And then people start getting rude because they get panicky. "Get the F*** out!" starts getting yelled along with "Shut the F*** UP!" Real pleasant way to spend an evening.

Over all, if I want to be social, I'd much rather hang out and talk while eating and drinking yummy things like pita chips while watching a stupid movie or just listening to good music. If I want to dance, then I'd rather get all dressed up and go to a club or something fun. House parties, not so much.

Worth it or no? I've been seeing them for the past two years, and I still can't make up my mind. Everyone I know obviously loves them, and that darker pink one with the lighter pink flowers is calling my name.... Also for anyone who's an Alpha Chi Omega, that flamingo one is literally perfect! I wish they'd make a strawberry or bunny one! To buy or not to buy, that is the question!

I'm old. I guess I'm not that old. But it feels like time has flown by. Especially the last two years. When I was a high school senior getting ready to start my career at the college I'm at now, I couldn't imagine all the things that have happened in the passed two years happening. Does that make sense? I'm getting a little sentimental right now. It's one o'clock in the morning, I have my one and only final tomorrow at noon, and I'm starting to slow down a little to realize just what's going on. Without going in to too much detail and getting all gushy, let me go in to what I've done.

Went to South Korea. At the time it seriously didn't seem like a huge, crazy thing. But on reflection, I can't stop thinking about it. I got a program made at my school to allow me to study in Seoul for the summer. I got on a plane and traveled to a country where I didn't speak the language by myself. And I can't wait to go back.

Had a job I liked. I worked retail at a high end brand's outlet store, and I loved it. Sure I was super awkward at first and my skills at selling things was rough at first, but I loved it. I loved dressing up. I loved talking to people. I loved not watching a pool or blowing the whistle at stupid kids... How many people can say they had a part time job they actually liked?

Actually kissed someone. Don't judge. I'm not going to talk about it in detail right now but seriously when most people kiss someone at least by age thirteen, things start really looking desperate when you're seventeen without a kiss to talk about. It gets a little worse circa eighteen. And finally kissing someone, albeit not romantic but funny, was a bit of an accomplishment. It let me know I may not be completely doomed to future lonely, cat lady tendencies.


Joined a sorority. Seriously, ask anyone I knew in high school. Me. A sorority. Joining. I know, I know. I did though. This semester I joined a sorority, and I've been loving every minute of it ever since. I already miss my Delta Mu pledge class. And I love my City family. And I can't wait for recruitment next spring and getting a little and meeting the new PC. And I kind of love all the chants and songs! They're so much fun to do.

Anyway, sentimentality over. Next big adventure? A vacation to visit some friends from my time in Korea in California and then off to SPAIN for the semester. True life, I'm a little traveler. Wanderlust dreams of high school coming true.

I'm actually lucky. I have one final and a portfolio due by the end of this week. But otherwise I understand--finals week sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks. Long tests, long hours of studying, stress levels high, poor hygiene, lack of sleep, slight addiction to caffeine and other substances to keep people awake. I get it. While I subscribe to copious amounts of Lipton tea and plenty of sleep, I still can understand the pain. When two hours studying in the library doesn't seem to be enough. When attention spans start wanning. I get it. So I'm here to help. With Cat pictures.

What you mean I gots FOUR finals in a row?

No sleep. Coffee cup in hand. I is gonna rock dis shit.

Four Hours Later: I. Can't. Go. On.

After Finals: Post-Final Coma

 

Good Luck!!!

Guess what freaky piece of B horror/comedy flick I just saw yesterday? Teeth. It's one of those horror movies infamous among college crowds because of its weird, freaky nature (like that human centipede one). Teeth is about girl who has teeth in, wait for it, her vagina. Her va-jay-jay. Teeth like the ones in her mouth, only presumably a lot stronger, to protect her womanhood from predators. Which, apparently, there are a lot in her life. She starts out as one of those types of girls who likes to preach about saving her virginity for marriage. Now, I'm not against saving oneself for marriage in the least bit; I respect that choice immensely. What I get annoyed with (and I do the same for people who do it with religion and other things) is the people who like to shove it in your face and preach about it, making anyone who has decided for premarital sex feel like the scum of the earth. Anyway, Dawn, our main character, starts off with this speech. The movie shows how she transforms from this virginal innocent into, well, someone else. Not bad, actually a little bit kickass.

Let's see. Her victims. Her first boyfriend who tries to get it on with her in a cave. And while she's momentarily knocked out. That's when she realizes what's going on down there. Then there's the totally shady gyno who tries to shove his hand (or at least four fingers) up there and sexually assault her. Then there's the guy who actually does have sex with her because she likes it, and then turns out to be a douchebag. And then there's her oh-so-lovely step-brother.

Anyway, if you want to laugh for an hour-and-a-half, freak out your male friends, and make fun of how funny this B flick is, I recommend it highly. There really is no horror in it besides the graphic pictures. It's good for a boring afternoon with friends.

I've been swimmer for the past twelve years of my life. I have learned the art of hard work in the pool, doing dry land, sometimes running, often lifting, and the scarfing down all the food in sight around me. I should be able to carry this mentality into the post season, right? Sometime after a two week break of doing nothing and eating everything I couldn't before, I should be able to hop in the pool or at least drag my but to the gym, right?

Nope. Exercising and I, we are not good friends. We barely like each other. And I need exercising more than exercising needs me. Now food, food I love. We've had a not so healthy relationship for years. But anyway, exercising and me. I would love to be a runner and go for an hour at some obscene pace. But no, no, I'm lucky if I make myself go to the gym more than once a week. There's nothing I like enough to stick to it. I don't even like swimming that much, so don't ask me how I've lasted.

But. This summer, I'm going to change. Especially for when I go to Madrid in the Fall (oh yeah, study abroad!). I want to be a success story gosh darnit! I don't know how, but if you see me complaining about pain in my legs, it's probably because I'm really trying. I will have a firm butt by the time I'm dancing it off in October!

...and inundate you with pictures of cats...

My old cat, isn't she precious?

I know. I know. I suck. First I'm a Modern Dreamer. Then a shoe whore. Then I'm all glittery and lacey. And then a spanglish major. And now I'm a future cat lady. Am I writer? Stylist? Poor excuse of a fashion blogger? Boring lifestyle blogger? Who. Knows. All I know is I keep changing, and I keep saying, "This is it! I've found my niche. This will be my blog fo life." And then I change my mind (although to be fair Glitter & Lace was accidentally marked as spammed and has been in restoring hell ever since). And I change my tone. I want to be funny and sarcastic and clever (which I don't think ever really works out) and then I want to sound sophisticated and cool and educated (which really never works). So here I am. Attempting to write, since that's what I always thought was my thing, and which I've come to realize has been put wayyyyy back on the back burner. Just lots of writing, maybe funny? Who knows? 

Link

I'm not going to pretend this is going to be my blog fo life, since we know how well that's turned out for the blogs of past. And since my parents won't let me get a cat until I'm in a place of my own and my school has certain policies against feline roommates, I remain a future cat lady. I like hot black tea with sugar and milk, and I like to read trashy romance novels mixed in with all my fancy English literature. I sound like an idiot half the time when I talk, and it's even worse when I try to do it in Spanish. Every time I see a picture of a cat, I melt like a Popsicle on the fourth of July, and I spend way too much time surfing the web. Also. To be fair, I adore my dog more than life and I always miss her when I have to leave her and go to college.

Cutest. Thing. Ever.